Wow. I've gotten quite a few comments on my last couple of posts. According to M., I should stop consuming the "empty calories" of music, in order to concentrate on a more personal agenda. According to J., I should stop buying into the false hype of "self-aggrandizing, self-destructive fantasies", by accepting my limitations, sucking it up and settling for a "job [I] don't hate".
These are two very good suggestions for capturing a life focus which I've long sought. The problems are these:
To respond to the first point - M., I don't consider music to be empty calories. In fact, some of the most revelatory experiences I've had have come from the lyrical content of music, and I consider my regimen of music consumption to be a healthy part of my balanced, nutritious mental breakfast. Constant musical intake helps me keep an open mind, among other things, and allows me to benefit from the emotional and intellectual experiences of others. It also keeps me in tune with what's going on. The attitudes of modern times, and sea changes on the horizon. In short, music is not only a source of enjoyment, but also a source of data.
On the second point, which is a very good one - J., I do seem to sort of buy into the image driven current in our society which leads into what I think of as the "endless daydream", a sort of daily ego-trip which never goes anywhere, like a treadmill preceeded by a carrot on a string. On the other hand, I cannot accept that there is no path which will lead me beyond mediocrity. To cease to dream entirely is to fall into a stagnant pattern, a sort of brain-death from which none return. I still feel that I may have something interesting to offer the world, if I can find a way to sustain myself whilst seeking it.
